One of the trickiest parts of holding yourself to a high standard in life is that it’s only natural to start to expect others to do the same. You’re not taking the easy road, why should they be able to? You’re putting in the work, why aren’t they? You don’t lie, cheat, or steal, is it so crazy to assume others shouldn’t either? Look at your results—where are theirs?
Marcus Aurelius must have struggled with this too. He hadn’t wanted to be emperor, but he was pressed into duty. Still, with all this power, he was trying to be good and do good. What was everyone else’s excuse? It’s something that lots of brilliant leaders and talented people have wrestled with through the centuries, whether it’s Kobe Bryant trying to figure out why his teammates aren’t as dedicated as he is, or an A student wondering why the other people in their group aren’t striving for the grade they are.
What we know is that Marcus Aurelius found a way through. We’re told of it by the historian Cassius Dio, and it’s a worthy example for us to think about today:
“So long as a person did anything good, he would praise him and use him for the service in which he excelled, but to his other conduct he paid no attention; for he declared that it is impossible for one to create such men as one desires to have, and so it is fitting to employ those who are already in existence for whatever service each of them may be able to render to the State.”
We only control our behavior. We can only fully uphold our standards for ourselves. As leaders, we have to work to meet everyone else where they are—get as much as we can from them and of them—but we can’t make ourselves miserable expecting them to be like us. Because they aren’t. What they do is in their control. What we do is in ours. Remember what Seneca learned with Nero: You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.
Never forget that. Get the best you can from yourself and hope—but don’t expect—for the best from everyone else. That’s all you can do.
P.S. This was originally sent on April 14, 2020. Sign up today for the Daily Stoic’s email and get our popular free 7-day course on Stoicism.
