Antoninus Pius, Marcus Aurelius’ adopted father and predecessor, was not a Stoic. He didn’t identify as nor did anyone call him a philosopher. He left behind no writings. There are no anecdotes of him dropping in on lectures in Greece or studying under some guru.
And yet, of all the people in Marcus’ life, Antoninus was the most Stoic. He was cool under pressure. He quietly went about his business. He was hard-working, self-sufficient, and never got worked up. He was a beloved leader. His mere presence put other people at ease.
From Antoninus, as he details in Book 1 of Meditations, Marcus learned how to get the best out of people, how to keep a simple diet and to serve others. Marcus learned the importance of compassion, self-reliance, taking responsibility, asking questions, surrounding yourself with good people, enjoying things but never overindulging. “Strength, perseverance, self-control,” Marcus writes to close out everything he learned from his step-father, “the mark of a soul in readiness—indomitable.”
Antoninus sounds like quite a person, doesn’t he? Maybe he reminds you of the most Stoic person in your life. A parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, who doesn’t actively study Stoicism. That person who has no idea that the things they say are supported by ancient wisdom. That person who innately always grabs the smooth handle, always gives people the benefit of the doubt, always finds a way to turn an obstacle into an opportunity.
Antoninus, like a lot of parents and grandparents—adopted or biological—was what you might call a lower-case stoic: He didn’t know he was practicing philosophy. He just lived it. Which, as we frequently say, is the whole point of Stoicism. It’s what you do. It’s who you are. It’s acts of virtue. It’s what Epictetus said: Don’t talk about your philosophy, embody it.
How much better we would all be if we put less energy into theory and more into practice. If we stopped overthinking and just tried to follow that smooth flow of life that the Stoics first described for us all those years ago…and that we see embodied casually in these humble people we love. If we kept in mind that parent or grandparent—that most Stoic person in our life—and tried to act as their disciple, striving to do as they do. It was this that helped Marcus become Marcus Aurelius. All his life, as one biographer put it, Marcus strived to be like Antoninus, holding him up as “the most beautiful model of a perfect life.”
Hold up that person in your life, today and every day. Do as they do. Don’t just talk about Stoicism, embody it. And of course, don’t forget to express your gratitude to them.
