There’s a chapter in Epictetus’ Discourses entirely about forlornness (or solitude, depending on the translation), the state where one feels miserably and helplessly lonely. His aim is to make a careful distinction. Lonely and alone are not synonymous. One can be alone, in their own company, and feel entirely connected and at peace with the world, just as one can be in a crowd and feel miserably lonely. Similarly, Epictetus adds, the world can be at war while one is at peace, just as the world can be at peace while one is at war. 

Even while the world is in a state of utter chaos, while we are isolated from our loved ones, while we are stranded indefinitely, while everything seems miserable and everyone forlorn—we don’t have to be. “The doctrine of the philosophers promises to give us peace from these troubles,” Epictetus continues:

What kind of forlornness is left, then, to talk about? What kind of helplessness? Why make ourselves worse than little children? When they are left alone, what do they do? They gather up shards and dust and build something or other, then tear it down and build something else again; and so they are never at a loss as to how to spend their time. Am I, then, if you set sail, to sit down and cry because I am left alone and forlorn in that fashion? Shan’t I have sherds, shan’t I have dust?

Remember: Even when things are stressful, being stressed is a choice. Just because you’re by yourself, doesn’t mean you have to be lonely or depressed. Shipwrecked and alone in Athens, Zeno founded this philosophy. Thrice exiled, Seneca and Musonius wrote and philosophized. Enslaved, Epictetus remained free and resilient. Overwhelmed and at war, Marcus Aurelius found peace while writing Meditations. 

You have the power to find that, too. You have what it takes to feel good, even when things are “bad.” You can choose.

P.S. This was originally sent on January 7, 2021. Sign up today for the Daily Stoic’s email and get our popular free 7-day course on Stoicism.