{"id":397,"date":"2016-11-18T18:26:51","date_gmt":"2016-11-18T18:26:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dailystoic.com\/?p=397"},"modified":"2017-11-25T19:26:01","modified_gmt":"2017-11-25T19:26:01","slug":"stoic-response-failure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dailystoic.com\/stoic-response-failure\/","title":{"rendered":"A Stoic Response to Failure"},"content":{"rendered":"

The art of properly responding to failure begins by not being surprised by it. When\u00a0Seneca<\/a><\/span> wrote that \u201cnothing happens to the wise man contrary to his expectation,\u201d this is partly what he meant. The reason that so many failures are devastating to us\u2014failed businesses, failed relationships, failed vacations, failed attempts to get across town in 15 minutes\u2014is that we never consider that things could happen any other way but the way we wanted to them.<\/i><\/p>\n

The Stoics spent a lot of time practicing \u2018negative visualization<\/a><\/span>\u2019\u2014meditating on what could go wrong, what the worst case scenario was, what would be outside their control. They did this, as I said, first to eliminate the unpleasantness of surprise. But they also did it so they could go into every situation with their eyes wide open\u2014so they could properly prevent or adjust for a potential failure. The wise man is aware of all possibilities and prepared for all of them. In this way, there is no such thing as failure\u2014simply outcomes.<\/i><\/p>\n

But what does a Stoic do with an unpleasant outcome? They make the most of it. Marcus Aurelius<\/a><\/span> wrote:<\/p>\n

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\u201cThe impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

He meant that everything\u2014good and bad\u2014was an opportunity to practice virtue<\/a><\/span>. The nightmarish failure is at the very least a chance to get familiar with misfortune. That business issue is a chance to manage your temper or teach something to someone. Traffic is a chance to learn patience and accept that things are out of your control<\/a><\/span>. A rude person or a bad friend is a chance to do the right thing even when you don\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n

This is the Stoic way<\/a><\/span> to see failure and misfortune. In my book<\/a><\/span>, I shortened Marcus\u2019s phrase to the obstacle is the way.<\/i> Meaning that failure is just an opportunity. It\u2019s a chance to be better, to do better, to start over, to revaluate, to practice\u2014whatever.<\/p>\n

Of course, there is very easy to say but much harder to do. I struggle with it\u2014I\u2019m not saying this as some master. I am explaining Stoic theory<\/a><\/span>.<\/i>\u00a0It takes a lifetime of incremental progress to get better at it. One situation at a time, one heart-wrenching failure at a time, you have to ask yourself: \u201cOk. What am I going to do with this? How is this going to make me better?\u201d And then you have to try. Each time you\u2019ll get a little closer, each time it will become a bit more instinctual. Eventually it becomes habit, or reflex.<\/p>\n

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