One of the hardest things to do in life is to say \u201cNo.\u201d To invitations, to requests, to obligations, to the stuff that everyone else is doing. All of us regularly say yes unthinkingly, or out of vague attraction, or out of greed or vanity, or out of fear of disappointing a friend or acquaintance. Because we can\u2019t say no\u2014because we might miss out on something if we did. We think \u201cyes\u201d will let us accomplish more, will give us more of what we want, when in reality it prevents exactly what we seek. All of us waste precious life doing things we don\u2019t like, to prove ourselves to people we don\u2019t respect, and to get things we don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is nothing new. Seneca<\/a> wrote two thousand years ago that if all the geniuses in history were to get together, none would be able to explain our baffling relationship with time. He says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo person would give up even an inch of their estate, and the slightest dispute with a neighbor can mean hell to pay; yet we easily let others encroach on our lives\u2014worse, we often pave the way for those who will take it over. No person hands out their money to passers-by, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We\u2019re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n Property can be regained, money can be re-earned. Time? Time is our most irreplaceable asset\u2014we cannot buy more of it. We cannot get a second of it back. We can only hope to waste as little as possible. Yet somehow we treat it as the most renewable of all resources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can only hand so many hours of your day over to other people before there is none left. Even if there are some left, you may have lost the clarity, the energy and the capacity to do anything with them. So, next time someone is asking for just a little <\/em>of your time, or you feel the pressures of minor social obligations, or the temptations of potential financial gain\u2014remind yourself of this advice from Epictetus<\/a>, Seneca<\/a>, and Marcus Aurelius<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat, then, makes a person free from hindrance and self-determining? For wealth doesn\u2019t, neither does high-office, state or kingdom\u2014rather, something else must be found\u2026 in the case of living, it is the knowledge of how to live.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014Epictetus, Discourses<\/a>,<\/em> 4.1.62-64<\/p>\n\n\n\n You have two essential tasks in life: to be a good person and to pursue the occupation that you love. Everything else is a waste of energy and a squandering of your potential.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How does one do that? OK, that\u2019s a tougher question. But the philosophy we see from the Stoics makes it simple enough: say no to distractions, to destructive emotions, to outside pressure. Ask yourself: What is it that only I can do? What is the best use of my limited time on this planet?<\/em> Try to do the right thing when the situation calls for it. Treat other people the way you would hope to be treated. And understand that every small choice and tiny matter is an opportunity to practice these larger principles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s it. That\u2019s what goes into the most important skill of all: how to live.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLet all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It\u2019s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014<\/em>Seneca<\/a>, On Tranquility of Mind<\/em>, 12.5<\/p>\n\n\n\n Law 29 of The 48 Laws of Power<\/em> <\/a>is: Plan All The Way To The End. Robert Greene<\/a> writes, \u201cBy planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.\u201d The second habit in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People <\/em><\/a>is: begin with an end in mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Having an end in mind is no guarantee that you\u2019ll reach it\u2014no Stoic would pretend otherwise\u2014but not having an end in mind is a guarantee you won\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To the Stoics<\/a>, oi\u00easis<\/em>(false conceptions) are responsible not just for disturbances in the soul but for chaotic and dysfunctional lives and operations. When your efforts are not directed at a cause or a purpose, how will you know what to do day in and day out? How will you know what to say no to and what to say yes to? How will you know when you\u2019ve had enough, when you\u2019ve reached your goal, when you\u2019ve gotten off track, if you\u2019ve never defined what those things are?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The answer is that you cannot. And so you are driven into madness by the oblivion of directionlessness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?'”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nYou Have Two Tasks<\/strong>
<\/h4>\n\n\n\nClarify Your Intentions<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
What Is Important To You?<\/strong>
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