We’d like to think we are above being influenced by others, but of course that’s not true. We are shaped by the people we spend time with, and the examples we observe. Benjamin Hardy has called this the “proximity effect,” and many years ago Jim Rohn famously declared that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. 

Turns out the idea goes back even further. As Seneca wrote, “Even Socrates, Cato, and Laelius might have been shaken in their moral strength by a crowd that was unlike them; so true it is that none of us, no matter how much he cultivates his abilities, can withstand [the influence of their surroundings.]”And isn’t that the story of Seneca? Drawn into Nero’s court, Seneca was sapped of his moral strength, until eventually he could barely recognize who he had become?

Do not think you’re better than him! If Cato or Socrates would be unable to resist the seductions of the mob, if Seneca couldn’t maintain his equilibrium, what makes you think you’ll be any different? The offer to work for some notoriously bad boss, to make a boatload of money in a sketchy industry, to serve in some compromised administration: it will not end well. It must be turned down—it is the call of a siren. It will wreck you!

“Associate with those who will make a better man of you,” Seneca wrote. It was a prophetic warning, one he himself ignored. Learn from his example. Be better. 

Who you spend time with matters. 

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P.S. This was originally sent on December 2, 2020. Sign up today for the Daily Stoic’s email and get our popular free 7-day course on Stoicism.