The Stoics spoke about being indifferent, disinterested. Have no interest in what makes no difference, Marcus Aurelius said. That’s the image of the Stoic. Unconcerned with what’s happening around them–no preferences, no emotion, good with whatever.

And there is a time and place for that. But as we saw in practice–and detailed in Lives of the Stoics–in real life, the Stoics were still human beings. They had friends and dreams and loves and tastes. While Stoicism the abstract philosophy spoke of “indifference” to everything but virtue, in real life, the Stoics obviously preferred being comfortable to uncomfortable, liked to being disliked, rich than poor, healthy than sick. Seneca called them “preferred indifferents.” He was strong enough to work with whatever life gave him, but if asked? Well of course he had some preferences.

It’s like that wonderful line from Walt Whitman in his poem I Sing the Body Electric (who himself enjoyed the Stoics): “All things please the soul,” he wrote, “but these please the soul well.” So it can go for you. You don’t have to make yourself into a joyless robot. You don’t have to crush every hope or preference inside you. That’s not realistic anyway. The key is to be able to find the good in everything, yes, but there are still some things better than others!

Don’t make yourself dependent on getting what you want…but don’t beat yourself up for wanting what you want. Make sense?